Round 10....Final Three, Bring it home Lee!

Let me summarize Wednesday night:

-Blah, blah, blah.
-Shitty Ford commercial...

-The better looking Bucky Convington goes home to Tehas for a visit. Enormous woman crowds his limo. Freaky old broad had Casey sign her PUPPY. Little girls scream and cry. We learn Casey is actually a brunette. Peg Bundy sheds tears at a hospital. Casey falls to his knees....fade to black.

-Perez in audience to introduce his latest lay, some douche-lord we will never see again.

-Madame Mudhen lands in Toledo, home of the most chain restaurants in the country (true fact) and the crowd proves they likes their food...A fellow "summer teeth" freaks out and has his chest signed by Smelly-sox and plans to get it tattooed. Gallagher greets his girl and the toe-head fusses. Off to the local fairgrounds...we ain't at the North and Clybourne stop anymore folks...she's hit the bigtime.

-Little Lee lands in our fair town...meets me and his day only goes down hill...throws out the first pitch at the Cubs game. Mobbed by 1000 Catholic schoolkids (obviously the nuns had NO affect on The Convict). Mixes a can of RL Suede paint for old times sake...sheds numerous tears...plays for 30,000 at Arlington Park as dad sings and cries on the sidelines. More tears from Lee as Simon looks on making a prayer gesture. And the Academy goes to...

-Tim Urban comes back to sing

-Lee's safe...no shock here
-Crystal safe
-Hotstuff gonezo
and I'm in the money!!!!

Let's recap Tuesday....


First up, Bonnie Tyler...

Big, big blunder. Picking a song that both Cougars and Tweens have never heard of is an enormous mistake at this stage of the game. I guess ding bat Diaguardi agreed with me...

The one man band was up next...

Love that song, hated this version. She lost me at hello...from the twirly bangs, the bonded teeth and the closing blow on that damn harmonica. Nah, didn't work for me at all.

Nice to see her boyfriend in the audience again. Still gets me how average this kat is. Nice Mudhens T-shirt.

Sweet Lee up next...when they said he's changed since coming home to Chicago, I knew our meeting had altered his heart, as it did mine. I'm here for you Lee. Yes, you truly are a simpleton as your song said, but you will soon be a rich and famous simpleton when you take the top prize. When that happens, look for me at the cube overlooking Giordano's where we first met.

Jenna Jameson is singing "Daughters" and I think it's Randy and Kara's way to sabotage this guy. It was bland and boring. As Kara mentioned, Jenna is going to pull the votes of girls, boys, tweens, Cougars, Sabertooths and Pumas. Look at him for God sakes.....

Ahhhhh, Crystal's entire town showed up at the AT&T store on Mulberry Lane...all 109 of them.

Whoa, this is NOT Crystal's night. From the outfit that resembled a cross between a chunky stripper and the lead singer of "Heart" circa '78 to the awful vocals...booooo!

plus = Crystal Stinky-lox

It's annoying that all of the judges say how great things are when THEY pick the song. People, it sounded like ass. Sorry, it did.

And to wrap it up, Simon just handed Lee the crown. Seriously...a gospel choir? Congrats Lil' Dutch Boy...it's yours.