-Crystal changes diapers
-Aaron gets his diaper changed
-Casey kicks a small town swamp turkey out of bed after his late night gig at "Gilley's".
-Lee mixes up a quart of Dutch Boy
-Big Mike "works out"
I am highly doubting that Big Mike works out as much as he's telling us. Big Mike is like Hurley on "Lost". The guy that's been stuck on a deserted island for months and somehow found a box of Ranch dressing to snack on and to explain his massive weight. That must be the reason they showed us the tater tots and burritos they serve as breakfast. No wonder they all get fat on the show.
Another random Wednesday addition to the show, Lady Gaga, two years ago known as "Snookie" Poliz (no joke, she was a total guidette). Thank you for singing a song in honor of Cinco Di Mayo. Thought it was muy horriblee. Riiiiight, didn't quite get how she fits in with Big Band week but why was Shakira on Country night?
The bottom two was BULL&&it!!! Maybe babyface deserved it but Big Mike??? Crystal and Casey BOTH sucked nutsacks compared to Big Mike and even next to Amelia they stunk. Poor kid, he was so, so sad. Wouldn't you be so bummed going from having "people" in LA, to the following week being back at your kitchen table for home school lessons??
Where did it go wrong....
The night starts with Simon taking the meaning of a low cut t-shirt to an all new level. All I saw was an un-manscaped tangle of 70's porn bush on the chest of this crazy Brit. Speechless.
Sexiness in a three piece suit comes down the stairs dwarfing the orange dwarf himself. Harry Connick rode high on my celebrity hot tub list thru the 90's and tonight he reminded me why. Hot southan' accent, funny as hell and beeeeee-uuuuu-tiful! By far the best mentor of the year.
The "young" Sinatra girls give Simon a hankie and I can't take my eyes off of Nancy's Heidi Montag rip off. Crypt Keeper Barbie is alive and well.
Karate Kid III comes out with more pancake make-up on his face than Harry's supermodel wife. In true LA fashion he hit Sunset Tan before the show. He sings another song for Mommy who looks like Flo from the awesome show "Alice". Why do they love this kid? I was bored to tears.
Ok, you know I have been into Casey all season but I'm ready for him to hit the "Blue Skies" on a plane back to Texas. He butchered that song...butchered it. Oh, and how fitting, Hannibal Lecter is in the audience! HA!
Yee haaw ya'll! Crystal Bower-SEX'ed-up came out looking like a can can dancer from the Gold Rush.
Note to Big Mike...Go up from a size Large fedora, to an XXL bro...that cap was so small it looked like David Banda's yarmulke upon your enormous melon. Mozoltov on the performance!
Lee, Lee, Lee, when you sing I get goose bumps. Chills run down my spine because you MAY take me to the big money my friend. You can SING. What you possess zilch of...confidence, humor, personality and charisma. If Harry could have coached you a little more on how to get his swagger, you could truly be the complete package.
We are finally getting down to the money and speaking of, if you haven't yet...PAY ME!
No comments:
Post a Comment