FAREWELL to Season 9

And the winner is.....ME!!
That's right SUCKAZZZZZ, the commish is the big winner this year and well deserved after failing miserably last year!....Frenchy Groves came up behind Johnny Mac/Christa to take second and who woulda thunk it, but ole' Amy D$, bamboozled Mike Smiley for third! Congrats to all! Amy, send me your address and I will get you your dough.

I could go on for DAYS about the finale but why?...it's over and I'm happy to announce that we can officially say goodbye to THIS person....


And welcome this man as our NEW AMERICAN IDOL!! (I swear with short hair and Converse they could be cousins...distant but still related:)

It's been another fun year. Thank you all for playing.

Until 2010....
-the commish

FINAL IDOL

And we're off...
Miss Thang started it off, which for ONCE hasn't been rigged in his favor..Came out swinging with "Mad World" which has been his most popular Itunes download thus far. Adam went for the Highlander meets Homeless look; the fog and coat reminded me of Cosette begging on the streets of Paris in "Les Miserable"., and I DETEST saying this, but he nailed it...not the janked up look, but the song AND brooding look at the end. Very Constantine Maroulas like.

Kris decided to show his skills on the keys and went with the very soulful "Ain't No Sunshine". Hard to make it appeal to white tweens but he managed it. They sexed up the wifey who actually looked a bit like Reese Witherspoon..I said a BIT. She knows to keep this boy she better get a little LA naaaaaasty!
Round two kicks off with Annie wearing his sharkskin suit singing "A Change is Gonna Come".Who knew Stanley from "The Office" moonlights as a blues guitarist on Idol?? And oops there it is...that howl that seems to creep into every damn song. Give it a rest. Steven Tyler, jeesh!

Arkansas favorite son went with Marvin Gayes "What's Going On".. Crowd was into it from the first strum of the strings which is a great sign for this little side mouthed singer because to be honest, it was a little dull.
Side note...anyone notice how they propped up blind Scott against Anoop but failed to point him to the right camera. That guy just can't catch a break.
And finally....
Adam dons his tire tread jacket and anaconda enhancing acid wash jeans to get the Boystown vote nailed down and let's loose on Kara's song "No Boundaries", not bad. Love how Simon makes one last push for votes on behalf of Lambert...seems really unfair...but it just may work.
Last up (for the first time may I add) is our favorite little person.
Completely different take on the song.. I don't know kids, his voice failed at one point and he forgot a lyric or two. He may have lost this thing to Adam. To make sure I could stand by this bold statement I watched both performances twice and although Adam should be cast in "Glee" with all of the other drama queens, he was better. Ouch, hurt typing that. I like the backup vocals on his take whereas, Kris took it solo.
For once I'm going to be objective...Adam has more range and more depth, while Kris' sound is very distinct. On the flip, Kris has a hell of a lot more mass appeal than the Adam. Although the judges basically said goodbye to Kris ie.."You should be proud of yourself" and "You were an incredibly contender" and every magazine and blog has put Adam on their cover, don't discount the voting public! Remember that Kris has NEVER been in the bottom 3, hopefully his fan base pulls him to the end...but this was a dawg fight till the end folks!
Until tomorrow...
-the commish

IDOL round 10

TGIF my friends!! My take on this weeks travesty...
We are down to the final two and I am calling out and out sabotage and rigging this season!! A few of my conspiracy theories if you will...
-Gokey was up first and Dingbat Abdul chooses a song that A) No one knew, or ever HEARD of, and let's be clear, I OWNED that cassette back in the day and I don't remember it. B) It was by an Artist that had ONE hit back in a time that the majority of the Idol audiences' PARENTS were smoking dooby's behind the bleachers at their high school pep rally's!! Really?? That's fair?
Conspiracy two:
Simon in his tit tight baby T states that he personally called U2 to get clearance for "The King of Cock" to sing "One" and they couldn't have been more delighted. Uh, let's not make it obvious who you rooting for and just to stick it to the other two, let's make it sound like Bono actually gave two shits about Miss Adam singing, or should I say butchering, his song. I think not, were in a recession and the band just wanted a royalty check.
Final Conspiracy:
Once again, WHO wraps up the show?? This has happened over SIX times now and it is so obvious why! And just to make sure everyone in America is on board with the Screaming Queen, every single judge made a point to say, "see you in the finals". I feel like Simon is the Marshall Applewhite of TV forcing his young flock to drink the Kool-Aid or suffer a terrible fate...

Last night we said good bye to the best thing to come out of Milwaukee since Laverne and Shirley. I honestly thought with his last song he was going to pull thru. His first attempt was a good one, seeing what he was given to work with. Watching him made me feel like I was seeing something familiar, something, or SOMEONE I see on a daily basis...ah yes! It was the fact that he and our very own Iris "Jun-bug" Jun must have hit up the same LensCrafters because they had matching specs! Yes people, I was so bored with that unknown tune that I was fixating on THAT fact.

Kris did a great job with "Apologize" and showed us he's versatile with his musical instruments! Beat the hell out of watching Blindy earlier in the season (yes, I'm evil). Obviously Kris solidified his position when he did Kanye's song ten times better than the diva himself. Killed it! It absolutely made my season that itty bitty Mighty Mouse stuck it to those idiots who have been doing their best to make sure Gokey and Adam were the last two standing. Suckaaaaazzzz!!!
Well Adam was his ever annoying self. Swaying and sashaying across the stage like Bob Fosse himself in the cast of "Chorus Line". I don't know if you caught Anoop in the crowd last night. I guess he heard that they were recasting for "Harold and Kumar go to Jamaica" and thought he would try his shot at becoming the lone Indian actor in Hollywood now that Kal Penn has gone on to Washington. When they announced Adam was moving on, both he and the mystical beast looked like they were going to vomit. My guess is Adam wasn't a huge favorite in the house. It was either a look of jealousy or fear as they had flashbacks of a naked Adam trying to shower with them week after week, show after show.

Well, next week will end all of the suspense. Go pocket mouse go!!!
See you in Hollywood Danny G!

IDOL round 9

TGIF fellow Idolers...we are coming to the close of our season and have come down to the Top 3!! Scores attached...enjoy!

Well this week the kids got the honor of singing with one of the biggest heroin junkies of the 80' and 90's...none other than Saul Hudson himself..or as the rock world knows him, "Slash". GREAT role model for all the tweens that keep this show on the air...LORD!
To get them all "in the rock mood", Saul felt it best to take them to an infamous opium den on Sunset to have their "jam sessions". I don't think it helped much judging by some of these performances.

Led Zeppelin has officially sold out! John Bonham was turning over in his grave as was he ACTUALLY awoken from the dead by the screeching weasel..Adam LOVES him some Adam..strutting around and giving us his best Ru Paul head bob...make it stop I say, make it STOP!

Danny has obviously been feeling the heat Miz Lambert is putting on him because this week he decided the only chance against him was to channel his inner Fantasia "the howler monkey" Barino, at the end of a classic. BOMB!!! Mix that final note, the purple hue'd zoot suit and the child molester spectacles and he's lucky he's still alive.


Simon is obviously gunning for my little pet and he's not hiding that fact one bit. Well guess what Simon, you got TREATED!! America loves this little pocket mouse and my guess is he's winning the entire thing and finally shutting down the last girl left in the competition! Boooyah!!! Honestly, why doesn't he get any credit for being the only kid that plays his own instrument? And Adam, a Meat Flute doesn't count!

I was happy my Season 6 crush came back for a visit. I could have done without him sporting the beard of THIS tool...

But he sounded good and proved why he should have won that season...I think my parents caught Taylor Hicks' act at the Circus Circus in Reno last summer...and I REALLY wish I was kidding about that. Aaaah, how the mighty have fallen...

The new duets twist CRACKED ME UP!!!
The first two chose a Styx song that I had never even HEARD before. C'mon, why not use a classic like "Mr. Roboto" or "Sail Away"?? Who the hell told you "Renegade" was a hit??? I honestly felt like I was the battle of the dueling dwarves!

Although duet numero dos was MUCH better, actually good (see, I can give credit where credit is due), I felt like I was watching the Gender Bender Twins. Pebbles is built like a brick shithouse and Annette had more chains than Mr. T, more eyeliner than a French whore and a higher voice than a six year old sucking helium.
Buuuut, it wasn't good enough because last night we said farewell to Alison...
I guess using the discarded weave of Lil' Rounds wasn't such a good idea eh? The good news??? Tyco has already released a doll in your image and will be on sale at the "merch table" this summer on your highly anticipated tour of fairs and street fests. Good luck!!
-The Commish!

IDOL round 8

This week was "Rat Pack" week and I gotta say, it didn't suck as bad as it could have. I felt like I should have been watching in a housedress, drinking an old fashion, smoking a Pal Mal extra-long with a meatloaf in the oven.


Let's recap...

Aaah, Thumbelina has stolen my heart to become my favorite...I know, big shocker. He's just so teensy I could tuck him into a matchbox that sits on my nightstand and keep him as my little pet. Every year I end up having a mad crush on one of these fools and this year he happens to be my man. It's obvious that none of us felt strongly about this little fella' because all but ONE of us had him out weeks ago..Bravo Frenchy! I can't say much about him..he's adorable and I would be SHOCKED if he didn't make it to the top three or better yet, the top TWO!

It's funny that Randy said Peb's looked like Brittany Murphy because I think SHE took it as a compliment when in reality he was thinking of THIS Brittany Murphy.
Although she SOUNDED good I just don't think she has the likeability factor that is needed to move ahead..and let's face it...she's NOT HOT ,so that takes away the male voters who have all but given up on this show.


Danny Gokey is part of the "Fat Rat Pack"...with a body like Big Baby Davis and the muff puff chin of John Salmons I felt like I was watching another playoff game against the Bulls and Celtics..a game NO ONE was a winner lookin' like THAT hot mess..DAYUMM boy, find a razor and a treadmill...you're about to be a star, time to stop looking like one of the Gotti brothers at the Jersey shore and more like someone that's going to be getting laid, DAILY...you only have one person standing in your way.....

"Here he/she comes, Miss America"....Little Miss Thang sauntered down those white stairs like Miss Ugly America, resembling K.D. Lange on her worst day.


I guess the Scarlett O'Hara entry didn't work so good for her this time...American kids were officially creeped out by his forked tongue that came out when he howled that song like a dying possum. UGGG, give it a rest already. His outfit gave me the shudders as it brought back memories of my 1987 prom date who wore that SAME white tux and white man flats.Living through it once was enough, watching it on crater face gave me the chills.....Well, if this doesn't pan out, he can always represent Pro-Active. He's got a face for radio as we in the business say!
Well it's official, the "Death of a Salesman" get-up did "Just Like Justin" in this week. Not even a visit to Tan-cun was enough to keep him afloat. I have a feeling that YES, he has what it takes, but he was overshadowed by the tranny and the ever-expanding Gokester and Pebbles. Sayonara Matt.
Sorry for the tardiness kids!
The commish!