IDOL round 3

TGIF fellow Idoler's!!
NO Big Shock this week....the Hog has been roasted!

Before we get started, I must ask, who was the mysterious butterball sitting next to Smokey the whole night? Have you seen this boy???

-Anoop came straight from the Broadway revival of "West Side Story"...what gives with the Danny Zucko letterman jacket Bobby J?? He was smooth but he's getting into that schmaltzy, boring territory that may cost him once the Mormon and Wonka get blown out. He needs to step it up next week...my advice...do "Jai Ho" from "Slumdog" and you will bring the house DOWN!! Jaiiii Hooooooooo!

-Robert Danny Jr. was again consistent. Nice to see they got rid of his blond tips, the Rascal Flats look did him no favors. He may also want to lay off the Idol Cantina, he's looking a thick or they are thinking tit-tight T's are the way to go with this one...wrong.

-Justin is becoming my last years David Cook. He's kinda sexy, he's got mad skills on the keys and he's coming out of nowhere to give The Widower a true run for his money, although judging by last night, I guess America doesn't really agree with me. Maybe it was the fact that his jeans were so tight that the kids got scared of the anaconda it looked like he was hiding in there.

-Prisoner 6181980, the Sleeper, we now know is a straight up pedophile. His wife is the 5th Dugger and can't be a day over 14. He should be ashamed of himself!!
Seriously, what was with that shirt?? I think my uncle Jorge had the same one when he was doing time in San Quinten 15 years ago. It was ridiculous...the good thing for that kid, he's adorable, likeable and can sing. Work on the duds.

-Pebbles was off the charts good. Still wish she would master the art of never speaking and unfortunately she looked like an underage Tijuana hooker last night. Other than that, she rocked.

Everyone over the age of 65 can stop looking, Elvis was alive and well in a shark skin suit kickin' it at the Kodak Theater on Wednesday!! If I shut my eyes I LOVED He-She's performance...I HATE, HATE, HATE having to admit it, but he was my favorite of the night. Despite that fact, I just don't buy his "shtick"..I bet if we saw him 3 months before Idol started he would have been wearing a pair of Dockers and a cardigan from Structure. Who are you?? Are you Trent Reznor, Chris Isaacs, Jonas Brother #4 or on your way into gay porn? Help us out!

I am not a soothsayer, a wizard or a shaman but do I know my Idol, or do I know my IDOL!!??

-Hmmm, took only 3 performances before our girl Lil' Rounds found some hair and I must say plastic hair is NOT what I meant. The whole performance reminded me of the last scene in "What's Love Got to Do with It" when Angela Basset is flailing around singing "Proud Mary" after Ike had just given her a beat down off stage...Lil' Rounds MAY be our biggest upset of the entire competition...many of us have her going all the way but if she keeps this up, I think she'll be out by the top 5.

-Ethel Mormon was AWFUL...once again. WHY does this girl continue to move up through the ranks?? She totally ripped of Carrie Underwood's look from LAST WEEK which looked bad on Carrie so WHY do it again?? The only thing impressive about her is her tattoo artist, who did a wonderful interpiation of the planet Jupiter sailing above, what looked to me, to be the Tower of London on the top of her arm. I've now discovered all I can about your "sleeve" so it's time for you to go back to Provo.

-Now playing at the Kalamazoo Comfort Suites Piano Bar.....WILLYYYYYYYY WOOOONKAAAAA! Good LORD! I am so sick of the pity party everyone throws this guy. Only Simon has enough nuts to call a spade a spade...You SUCK! You are doing this guy NO favors by blowing smoke up his a** about how good he is, when quite frankly, he's not. The Idol stylists have been waiting 8 seasons to have someone willing to wear the salmon colored pants and they finally found their man...the blind guy...that's just CRUEL ladies. It's like when Stevie went through his dashiki phase in the 80's...poor guy had no idea he was wearing a dress that looked like a Cosby sweater.

As we know, the Hog is gone...he gets a little more time off the rig while he tours. Good luck Roughneck!

IDOL round 2-not my best

YEEEHAWWWW!

Round two is behind us and I'm not going to lie, I thought it was pretty good. Yep, Negative Nelly was actually impressed with MOST of the singers.
Because of this, I'm sorry to say, this re-cap is about as boring as watching Randy Travis sing last night.

Let's get into it, starting with the stinkers of the night...

-Let's start with our gurrl Lil' Rounds....OH HELLLLLLLZ NO! Ok, I get it, it's not her genre but that song SUCKED! She better hope next week is Motown because another hot mess like that, combined with the lack of hair, MAY put her in the bottom three.

-Danny doesn't REALLY deserve to be in the stinker list BUT if he hadn't KILLED the chorus of that song he would have started it out. His safari parka with the popped collar was horrendous and just looked out of place. Still sounded good, but the look landed him here.

-Rogue Mormon..why do I detest this chick so much? She is SO overrated it's painful. The over annunciation of each word ( i.e. "moonlight"), along with her swivel hips makes me want to beat her senseless with the good book of Brigham Young. Take note that we will see more and more cleavage from this one as the competition moves on because her looks are all she's got going...I guess that's a good thing for you Adam!

-Boss Hog, nice guy, but so forgettable I have nothing to say.
And last but not least, our favorite Tranny, the He-She...WHAT. IN. THE. HELL. WAS. THAT??????? This guy is trying SO hard to be "out there" that it comes off fake and contrived. He sang a love song for all the boys in West Hollywood ( uh, "Burning Ring of Fire"???) and took dear Johnny Cash to an all new low. I was waiting for the Moroccan belly dancers to come out while Ravi Shankar strummed his sitar..Lame.

On a positive note the boys were on fire last night...
Bobby J came back with a vengeance making it known that not all Indians sound like Sanjaya! He was amazing....Our favorite fake Justin was hands down the best of the night..he could give the ole' Widower a run for his money for the title. He can sing AND he plays a mean set of keys. The Sleeper could be just that, the sleeper. This little rug rat has come on strong showing he's got the chops to take this all the way. We all know I'm not a fan of the blind Gene Wilder but he wasn't AWFUL this week so I will leave him alone this time.

As for our poor loser...the Pink Taco stunk up the joint and is finally gone. Good luck!
On a side note, there is one person I would like to personally call out on this round....Sameer, the newest player in our pool...you should have thought about popping off about "kicking our asses" BEFORE picking the most boring person in the bunch! Thanks for playing, but you are pretty much history!
Scores show that Sameer wasn't the only fan on PT...many of you have her going pretty far which will start to hurt in later weeks. The big winners this week were Momma Levin and yours truly, both with 27 points! Way to go Commish!

IDOL round 1

Happy Friday!

Attached you will find the scores for Round One. Because of the sacking of two contestants, I went with our old way of scoring, giving each contestant in the top 11, two points. Also, because of the wrench with the "save", please send me the name of the contestant YOU think the judges will save and this will be used as a tie-breaker if it comes to that in the end. To be fair, I have already told a NON-PLAYING co-worker MY pick so no one can accuse me of cheating when I win :)

Recap time...no particular order

-Lil Rounds came out strong but she is going to have some trouble down the road. She is a pretty girl, good pipes and good family BUUUT, that hair invokes the memory of the one Idol that drives everyone nuts...FAN-TAAASIAA! She needs to buy some hair PRONTO if she wants to differentiate herself from that high pitched wind bag. I am NOT kidding, this WILL be her demise.

-Next was the blind Art Garfunkel...COME ON, this guy is AWFUL! The only reason he is still part of this show is that the producers needed an angle so why not use the blind dude with a bad perm! when will the "glam squad" work on THAT mop??..many of us have him going far, but it's on pure sympathy because he sucks. Leave it to this guy to choose a song NO one knows, off an album that was only released in Dubai after Michael was thrown out of Neverland on kiddie porn charges. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to hell...see you all sitting next to me, because you know I'm right!

-Some decent performances throughout the night...Boss Hog was surprisingly good, I think we may have underestimated him...The tiny Sleeper was adorable and will do well with the brace face set of the population..Pebbles was good BUT may have a case of "Skunk Spice" from 2008. She needs to show MORE than just a raspy rocker voice and if she could just shut up AFTER performing, her chances will be much stronger. Pink Taco has some pipes. Not many of us had her going THAT far but if she can avoid the Christina Aguilerra copy cat routine, she may go further than we thought. Justin Timberlake was strong, whatever. What's there to say about the Widower, he is amazing.

-Some NOT so decent performances...Uh, Bobby J, what the HELL were you thinking??? I have no words. Better luck next week.
The Rogue Mormon is ANOTHER Idol that should NEVER have been let on the show..I know Adam, she's hot, but that's ALL SHE IS! The song was a disaster,
her voice was irritating and I was so bored I started counting the number of butterflies she had tattooed on her arm. SNOOZER!
I know I'm going to catch hell for this, and I actually have him in my Top 2, but I just don't get the appeal of the Meth skinned He-She...It was hard to watch and I seriously thought it was bad! He was screeching and kicking his boot up at non-existent dirt and quite frankly, I was disturbed. He gets my "what the hell were they thinking" award for the week. He's a freak. Sorry, but he is.

We bid ado this week to Jasmine and the Latin Harvey Milk. Better luck on the pageant circuit and clubs in the Castro.

Until next week,
The Commish