No scores this week, due to the fact that the Unicorn was saved from slaughter. We will move on to the top 5 scoring next week and I think it's going to be a heated race to the end. This week was tough for me. I was rather bored and to be honest, the biggest winner of the night was Brian Adams, two songs outta seven?!?!. What a bunch of crappy, sappy, junk they sang this round. SOOOO, since I was bored, you may be too...Read on....
So, it was "Movie Week" and who better to have helping our little lambs but the Musical Genius of Mo from the Three Stooges! Uh, you have GOT to be kidding me that they would honestly ask Quentin (I've had my face pulled a little too tight) Tarrentino to "coach" these already insecure kids. He was USELESS! With his enormous clubbed foot and "Valkayrie" style haircut (sorry for the reference to a movie no one's seen), who could concentrate on his "pointers". Put a patch over his eye and he is a dead ringer for the second biggest clown in Hollywood, this man.
Showing in Cinema one "Chicken Run".. STARRING Foghorn Leghorn...
I say, I say, I say....that girl can sing but WHAT was so original about the arrangement? NOTHING...I think every season some knucklehead does their best Stephen Tyler impression and it sounds ten time WORSE than the original ever did. She comes out with her red Rooster top and Glad trash bag getup, lisps her way thru it and they hail her as the next Janis Joplin, pa-lease! She's good but I didn't think she blew it outta the water.
In Cinema Two we are featuring "Six Days, Seven Nights":
Yep, Anoop, you are going to have to pull a rabbit outta JTT's hat if you want to pull off staying longer than that!! You were good dawg, I would go as far as saying one of the best, but the clock is ticking. You don't ooze with sex appeal, your fashion sense is wack and I'm not really buying the Southern Gentleman bit, so my guess is that if you don't KILL IT next week, you gone!
Cinema THREE will be showing the Indie Winner "TransAmerica" starring...the creep.
UUUG, enough with your falsetto and kicking up your feet at Ricky Minor and the band. What am I missing?? It sounded like Lil' Rounds tightened his cock ring right before stepping on stage and he was howling in agony. He TOTALLY thinks this is his to win...blowing kisses to the plastic faced broad behind Simon (did anyone notice her, she was melting before our eyes!!) or maybe those kisses were intended for the surly Brit himself. What he should be doing is hooking Gokey and Pebbles up with his dealer to help those two lose some of the lb's they seem to put on each week...try meth, I hear it's great for the figure.
Cinema Four is Featuring "Anaconda"...
Well, we now know this kid is lucky. His third eye has truly brought him good luck and cast off the evil spells of the "Mean Girls" and "The Last King of Scotland"...I'm referring to the judges, just in case you didn't' catch that. Did you see Randy's Edie Amin General sweater??? Not a good look dawg. You all know that I'm a huge fan of Matt but he was trying WAAAAY too hard to be like Justin last night. His outfit looked like the piano player at the Reagle Beagle and his lame rendition of an already lame ditty, stunk. I AM happy you got the save vote and I DO hope we continue to see your "junk" until the end.
Cinema Five we are pleased to present the all time classic "Porky's"...
Big fan of the Gokester but I'm getting BORED. His voice is great but he doesn't ever WOW us. His big, white man flats were about the most interesting thing about his performance. Moving on...
So, it was "Movie Week" and who better to have helping our little lambs but the Musical Genius of Mo from the Three Stooges! Uh, you have GOT to be kidding me that they would honestly ask Quentin (I've had my face pulled a little too tight) Tarrentino to "coach" these already insecure kids. He was USELESS! With his enormous clubbed foot and "Valkayrie" style haircut (sorry for the reference to a movie no one's seen), who could concentrate on his "pointers". Put a patch over his eye and he is a dead ringer for the second biggest clown in Hollywood, this man.
Showing in Cinema one "Chicken Run".. STARRING Foghorn Leghorn...
I say, I say, I say....that girl can sing but WHAT was so original about the arrangement? NOTHING...I think every season some knucklehead does their best Stephen Tyler impression and it sounds ten time WORSE than the original ever did. She comes out with her red Rooster top and Glad trash bag getup, lisps her way thru it and they hail her as the next Janis Joplin, pa-lease! She's good but I didn't think she blew it outta the water.
In Cinema Two we are featuring "Six Days, Seven Nights":
Yep, Anoop, you are going to have to pull a rabbit outta JTT's hat if you want to pull off staying longer than that!! You were good dawg, I would go as far as saying one of the best, but the clock is ticking. You don't ooze with sex appeal, your fashion sense is wack and I'm not really buying the Southern Gentleman bit, so my guess is that if you don't KILL IT next week, you gone!
Cinema THREE will be showing the Indie Winner "TransAmerica" starring...the creep.
UUUG, enough with your falsetto and kicking up your feet at Ricky Minor and the band. What am I missing?? It sounded like Lil' Rounds tightened his cock ring right before stepping on stage and he was howling in agony. He TOTALLY thinks this is his to win...blowing kisses to the plastic faced broad behind Simon (did anyone notice her, she was melting before our eyes!!) or maybe those kisses were intended for the surly Brit himself. What he should be doing is hooking Gokey and Pebbles up with his dealer to help those two lose some of the lb's they seem to put on each week...try meth, I hear it's great for the figure.
Cinema Four is Featuring "Anaconda"...
Well, we now know this kid is lucky. His third eye has truly brought him good luck and cast off the evil spells of the "Mean Girls" and "The Last King of Scotland"...I'm referring to the judges, just in case you didn't' catch that. Did you see Randy's Edie Amin General sweater??? Not a good look dawg. You all know that I'm a huge fan of Matt but he was trying WAAAAY too hard to be like Justin last night. His outfit looked like the piano player at the Reagle Beagle and his lame rendition of an already lame ditty, stunk. I AM happy you got the save vote and I DO hope we continue to see your "junk" until the end.
Cinema Five we are pleased to present the all time classic "Porky's"...
Big fan of the Gokester but I'm getting BORED. His voice is great but he doesn't ever WOW us. His big, white man flats were about the most interesting thing about his performance. Moving on...
We are so happy to announce the re-release of "Elf" in Cinema six...
Once again my precious Kris wore an "earthy" get-up but I won't fault him, nope, not today. He sang one of the BEST movie songs ever written and he killed it. Best of the night.
And rounding out our presentation this evening in Cinema seven, "Clueless"
This is NOT because I thought she looked like Stacy Dash with her new weave, it's because this girl doesn't listen! Who knew we had TWO impaired contestants this year...A blind dude and a deaf dumb-ass. Lil', why don't you EVER listen when they say "speed it up", "make it more R and B"?? You choose a song from a 70's movie that was done by a white, JEWISH broad?? If you wanted to go back that far, you should have looked into doing a Diana Ross song from "Mahogany" or I don't know, make it more current with a "Dreamgirls" song...you are just stupid and I bid you adieu, because next week, you and the Indian are history.
I DO want to thank the poor man's cast of High school Musical 3 for their AMAZING rendition of "Maniac" in last nights opener..nothing says true talent better than nailing a Michael Sembello song...exactly, who the hell is Michael Sembello??
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
-The Commish
No comments:
Post a Comment